We all have needs, whether they are emotional, physical, or psychological. Having needs is not being needy. Knowing how to express them is one of the most important parts of conflict resolution. However, expressing our needs can be a tricky task, especially when we fear being perceived as needy or demanding.
The guilt to express ourselves often happens to those who grew up in a home where they didn’t feel heard or felt supported. However, if we don’t express our needs, how are we supposed to get them met? When it comes to dating and relationships, expressing our needs is one of the key ways to build intimacy and create relationship bliss with our partner.
I’m going to share my most essential tips on expressing your needs in a healthy way so that you can be vulnerable without feeling needy.
Recognize the Importance of Self-Awareness
The first step towards expressing your needs in a healthy way is to be honest with yourself about what you need to be happy in a relationship, and then being able to acknowledge it. You must own the values that are important to you and know you deserve to have your needs met.
Everyone has needs, and there is nothing wrong with having needs. Once you become clear on what you require to make you happy, you will be able to communicate it to your partner or date without sounding overbearing or being reactive.
Grab your journal and start writing down the needs you want to share with your partner in a relationship. Maybe you need words of affirmation, alone time, or someone who keeps agreements. Take this moment to process what you really want out of a relationship.
Use “I” Statements
One of the most effective ways of expressing your needs is to use the “I” statements. This approach eliminates emotional triggers that come with accusing statements and invites open communication.
When you use ‘I’ statements, you are expressing your own thoughts and feelings and not pointing fingers at your partner.
For example, instead of saying, “you never spend time with me,” you can say, “I feel lonely when we don’t spend time together, quality time is an important need for me. What do you think we can do to have more time together?”
Come from Curious Energy
It’s true that communication is 55% non-verbal, while the remaining 38%count for voice inflection and 7% actual spoken words, respectively. When discussing needs, pay attention to your body language. Are your arms crossed, or are they open to show curiosity?
Your tone, facial expression, and posture should come from a place of collaboration rather than anger and accusation. Remember, the person you are dating might not know they hurt your feelings and may not understand how they are not meeting your needs. It’s up to us to express our needs to our partners so that we can teach them how to treat us.
Do you have a hard time being vulnerable? This video helps you learn how to be vulnerable and open your heart to relationships below (article continued below)
Be Assertive
When you express your needs, it’s important to be direct. Avoid dancing around the topic. Just express the behavior you wish to see happen in the relationship instead of all the things your partner is doing wrong. Focus on one need at a time while developing solutions rather than complaints.
Being assertive means communicating your needs confidently while remaining respectful of your partner. It’s important to recognize that assertiveness is not about control or superiority—it’s simply expressing yourself in an authentic way that honors and validates your feelings.
Create a Dialogue
Instead of treating your partner like an enemy, view them as a collaborator. This perspective will encourage you to develop a dialogue rather than a monologue in discussing your needs. Choose a time and place that is neutral and will allow both parties to have the freedom to express themselves comfortably.
It’s essential to listen effectively, as your partner may respond to your needs in a way that you did not anticipate. Giving them the space to talk and express themselves will create an environment that feels safe, supportive, and healthy. The key is for both parties to listen to understand rather than listen to defend.
Ultimately, expressing your needs can feel like a scary task, but once you get the hang of it, the whole process can be quite rewarding. It’s a crucial step in developing a healthy and lasting relationship.
Don’t be afraid to mutually discuss your needs with your partner because it can only improve your bond and strengthen your relationship. If you struggle with expressing yourself, schedule a Relationship Readiness Review with me here.
