7 phrases to get more love from your partner without sounding needy (2024)

Here’s a fact about me: I used to be a super needy girlfriend.

Once I fell in love, that was it for me – from then on, my whole world revolved around that one person. I poured all my energy into the relationship, I got obsessed with my ex’s affection, and I did anything I could to get more of their love.

Even if it meant losing a bit of my dignity in the process.

Well, it’s safe to say I’ve come a long way since then.

Not only have I managed to build a secure attachment style but I’ve also upped my communication game, which means I no longer ask for affection while sounding as clingy as can be.

Want to know my secret?

Here are the 7 phrases to get more love from your significant other – without coming across as an overly needy partner.

1) “Lately I’ve been feeling…”

The first rule of effective communication is to use “I” statements.

Why?

Because when you’re talking about how you feel, it’s easier not to place blame and to have a productive and respectful discussion.

Just compare these two sentences:

• “Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down because we don’t seem to spend as much time together anymore”
• “You never bother to spend time with me anymore”

While the first opens the door to a calm conversation, the latter could easily turn into an angry fight because it sounds accusatory.

The intent behind your words is the same, but the way you phrase it matters a great deal.

2) “I’d like us to…”

After you’ve told your partner how you feel, it’s a good idea to follow your words with some practical suggestions that can be implemented in real life.

This way, your concern doesn’t just hang in the air like an abstract idea.

“I’d like us to cuddle for a bit every evening so we can reconnect, what do you think?”

“I’d really like it if we went on weekly dates. Is that something you’d be on board with?”

By offering a practical way for you to solve the issue you’ve brought up, you’re automatically shifting the conversation in a positive direction.

3) “When you do A in situation B, I feel C”

Speaking of concrete examples, it’s very important that expressing your concerns or desires goes hand in hand with specific actions you can point to.

Let’s say your partner struggles to pay attention when you tell them about your day. Since your love language is quality time, you feel like your significant other isn’t really connecting with you on the level you want.

What do you say to get them to understand your feelings?

• Option 1: “You never listen to what I say, do you even care about me? It’s like talking to a wall!”
• Option 2: “When you don’t hold eye contact and are busy doing something else while I’m talking to you, I feel deflated and upset because I’m afraid I’m boring you. Sharing stories about our days is really important to me because it helps me feel connected with each other.”

Obviously, option 1 is a bulletproof way to ignite an argument.

Option 2, on the other hand, allows both of you to express your feelings and have a genuine conversation grounded in respect.

4) “My love language is X, what’s yours?”

The fact that your partner loves you doesn’t automatically mean you feel loved by them.

This is because their expressions of love could be insufficient or different to what you need.

In a situation like that, no one is to blame. Your partner shows their love in a way comfortable to them and you have every right to feel like you need something different from them.

This is why having a talk about what your love languages are and how you can help each other feel loved and cared for is in order.

It’s okay if you love words of affirmation and your significant other rates them lower on their list. It’s okay if they absolutely love physical touch and you’d much prefer acts of service.

Having different love languages doesn’t mean you’re incompatible. It just means you may need to put in some effort in order to make each other happy. And as long as you’re willing to learn one another’s love language and put in the energy…

That’s all that matters.

For example, one of my exes loved words of affirmation. I’m generally not the biggest fan, but I knew how much words meant to him, so I always made sure to compliment him, tell him I loved him, and write him love letters.

5) “What can I do to make you feel loved?”

It may sound strange, but if you want to get more love from your partner, try asking them how you can give them the kind of affection they need.

Oftentimes, we are so deeply submerged in our own concerns and unmet needs that we completely forget we aren’t being great at providing what our partners need, either.

Affection goes both ways. By loving your significant other in the best way you know how, you are encouraging them to shower you with love, too.

And it doesn’t need to be anything huge. Another one of my exes was an acts of service guy – if I made him a cup of tea, he’d be over the moon.

Since I often offered to make him tea, he would return the favor, and soon, we were in a wholesome cycle of providing for one another in small yet significant ways.

However, it’s important to mention that asking your partner how they want to be loved and giving them what they need doesn’t always promote happiness within the relationship.

Sometimes, people don’t put in the same amount of effort. Sometimes, they just take and take and take some more until you’re completely depleted.

Remember that if your partner isn’t willing to put in the effort to love you right, it doesn’t mean you’re needy or clingy. It just means you may not be a match.

You deserve someone who tries their best to make you feel loved.

6) “Remember when we did X?”

If you want to be more subtle about asking your partner for more affection, here’s a simple trick: bring up a memory of a time when you did something wonderful together.

“Remember when we went on that date into nature? I loved being so present with you.”

“Remember when we played that game of deep questions? It was so fun to get to know you better.”

If your significant other pays attention, they will very likely catch on. If they don’t, you can always follow up with, “I’d like it if we did it again sometime.”

7) “I really appreciate it when you…”

Finally, here’s the most effective way to get more love: use positive reinforcement.

Too often, we focus all our energy on what we lack or what bothers us without acknowledging all the amazing things we already have.

You may be annoyed that your significant other hasn’t been complimenting you lately, but you’ve somehow forgotten to acknowledge the fact they’ve been cleaning after you for a week, making sure you have a glass of water on your bedside table every night, and asking you about your day on a regular basis.

Sometimes, thanking your partner for everything they are already doing is the best way to encourage that kind of behavior in the future.

Not to mention it helps you strengthen your connection, feel appreciated, and foster a sense of love and gratitude.

And if your partner randomly compliments you, don’t forget to say, “I really love it when you say things like that. It makes me feel loved. Thank you.”

They will file that information away in their mind, pleased that they’ve done something to make you happy and motivated to repeat the same action in the future.

Final thoughts

See? You can absolutely ask for more love and affection without sounding needy.

The secret is to keep your cool, approach your partner in a calm and respectful manner, focus on the positives – not just the negatives – and express your feelings using “I” statements.

Lastly, remember that it’s completely normal to need reassurance or more affection from time to time. Romantic relationships put us in a very vulnerable position, and our partners’ displays of affection matter to us a great deal.

It makes sense that you want to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. Just make sure you phrase that need well so that you can have a productive conversation based on respect and love.