Kirsty from our Community Peer Recovery team shares her story...
Loving yourself isn’t vanity, it’s sanity.
Life doesn’t follow a neat narrative especially when it comes to love, and our relationship with self-love in particular. Self-Love seems like a difficult concept to some, especially if you are a person who tends to put others needs before your own.
For most of my life it’s been my mission to find love, that deep and intoxicating Love that completes you and makes you whole. The love I read about in books, saw in Disney movies and even in my own home with my parents long lasting marriage.
Several heartbreaks, failed engagements, and lots of tears later I had a realisation. The external pressures placed on single people but particularly women, have most definitely heightened my desire to find love, but have also created a need for me to seek out relationships to fulfil the societal norms that are ingrained in us that we are not complete unless we have a life partner.
When I first started to explore my relationship with self-love, I found it was because I kept hearing the age old:“You can’t expect someone else to love you unless you love yourself”.
So I had already started on my self-love journey for the wrong reasons.
Over time, the more I explored and researched self-love, I realised that in trying to seek out love from others, I had been neglecting my own needs and had given away my power and my responsibility for happiness.
Investing back into myself and exploring what’s important to me, helped me to build a foundation in which I can create a happy and fulfilled life, based on what I want and need. I have been able to step away from the social expectations of what I should have or desire.
Self-Love isn’t one fixed meaning. It can be as simple as choosing ourselves. Leaving a party early, being truthful or saying no. It can mean giving our body the nurturing, rest and comfort it craves and needs.
For me self-love is building a life I love as a single woman. It’s about being present and experiencing joy independently. If I have one tip, it’s take the pressure off, step away from the expectations of others and check in with yourself.
Having that deeper self-awareness and learning what makes us truly happy, is what’s key
I will always be open to finding love, but the greatest and most meaningful relationship I will ever have is with myself. Now that's a relationship I'm willing to invest in.
Do you want support from people who have lived experience of mental health issues? Head to Our Services page, and find our Peer Support teams.
